Dear Agony
by Chase'sGirl19
Summary: The sequel to Untitled is finally here We now follow the teenage years of Robert Chase as he deals with his father's abuse and the guilt of his mother leaving him. WARNING! cutting and maybe future drug use and suicidal thoughts.. cussing..child abuse
1. Chapter One Finding Relief

**Chapter One Finding Relief**

**A/N: Hi everyone! I hope all of you guys are excited to read the first chapter of the sequel to Untitled! Yay! :D I know it's been a long time... A very long time but I had to get the timeline of this story together and write at least the first 5 chapters before I posted anything up. Anyways I hope you enjoy and please don't be afraid to comment I would like to hear all your responses and if you have any ideas that you might have about this story please tell me **

The late Saturday night was warm. The summer breeze blew softly through the trees, causing its green leaves to rustle and dance, their shadows flickering playfully over the quiet streets of the neighborhood.

It was quiet and dark, that's the best way Robert liked it as he silently walked home. His face was covered by the hood of his grey sweater that he wore to cover the bruises. His blonde hair covered his eyes, hands in his pockets as he slowly trudged home.

He did not want to go home.

He didn't think he could stand another night of looking after his father where the only thanks he'll get is a punch in the eye, a kick in his stomach or big rough hands, strong, cruel hands clasped tightly around his neck, causing Robert to gasp for air, causing him to plea pitifully in a hoarse voice to let go only to get an insult in return and the hands to become tighter around his throat, shutting off his air supply, spots obscuring his vision, the scent of alcohol on his father's breath.

"You bad little shit! Don't you dare beg for mercy!"

Dizziness, pain, It was all Robert could feel; all that was left in the world along with father's drunken words.

"You deserve it boy! Just like when your mother left, it's your fault!"

Robert stopped walking and caressed his neck for a moment where the handprints were still etched onto his skin. The memory made his face heat up with embarrassment and fear.

How could he let his father strangle him last night? Why wasn't he strong enough to prevent it from happening?

The answer; weak, coward, bad kid who deserved it ran through his mind. Robert glared at the tree next to him, shoved his hands back into his pocket and continued walking.

It was not always like this. No, there used to be a happy time at least what Robert can remember at a young age. It was a happy life, a happy childhood for Robert until it had turned to crap and that happiness had melted away leaving Robert in a home filled with violence and anger and darkness… until that distant happy childhood was only a memory, a distant memory of daddy teaching him to play basketball, tucking him in at night and sneaking him cookies before dinner without his mom knowing.

_Mom... _

Robert could remember how she used to be beautiful with her long blonde hair, her big smile that she always had when she watched Robert play or eat. Anything he did in fact brought that smile to her face.

The thought of her brought an ache to Robert's heart.

It was a dull ache, the kind that never went away. It was the kind that seemed to hurt more in that moment where you just laughed your head off at something and once your done gasping for air and you are starting to calm down, you realize that ache is still there, still hurting and that moment of happiness is then chased away; leaving it to hurt worse than ever before.

They were gone now, what his parents used to be.

Mom was as good as dead is how father had put it. To Robert she had simply just disappeared off the face of the earth never to be seen or heard from again and despite the aching in his heart just to see her again; Robert couldn't understand why he felt so much resentment towards her.

After all it was his fault she left…

It was Robert's fault for not being a good enough son to protect her and keep her from leaving. The small voice of guilt for thinking of it was his fault nagged in the back of his mind and tugged at his stomach but he pushed it away. House's words to him at the hospital six years ago had not stayed in his head. Robert tried to believe the young medical student but as time grew it got harder and harder to hold on to House's words until one day he simply believed father when he repeatedly yelled at Robert that it was his fault mom left.

His father_... Well..._

Robert let out a deep sigh and kicked a stone out of his path. Ever since that night six years ago father had succumbed more and more into drinking. It was not that bad at first but as time grew he sank deeper into the alcohol. That ment his beatings got harder.

Robert was blind to the truth … still believing it was all his fault for his mom leaving but one thing was now different than what Robert knew as a nine year old.

At nine Robert believed his father's beatings were only normal punishments. Now however at fifteen Robert knew they were not punishments, they were much more than that…

Robert was almost home now. He could just make out the outline of the roof of his house through the trees. His stomach flipped over in dread. He wished he didn't have to go inside. Robert could now see the whole house. Only one light was on, his father's study. How Robert wished he could just turn around and leave.

If only he can...

Anxiety now churned his stomach and he frowned at how sick he began to feel with dread as he walked to the front door_. _

_Maybe he won't hear me come in._

Robert opened the front door and stepped inside. The house was completely dark with the exception of the slither of light coming from underneath the crack of his father's office. After another glance around the house to make sure his father wasn't hiding somewhere in the shadows, ready to attack and spew the fumes of nastiness and hate into him; Robert crept quietly towards the stairs.

Unfortunately he was barley on the fourth step when suddenly a rough pair of hands grabbed him by his waist and threw him off the staircase.

Robert shouted out in surprise as he landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Father stood over him. His gleaming face was half hidden in the shadows. Shadows that Robert had imagined him hiding in.

"Where you've been boy!" he shouted.

Robert got over his shock and stood up.

"Out," he said as he clenched his fist.

"Don't speak to me in that tone!" his father slurred his words and slapped him hard across the face.

Robert spat out blood from his split lip and realized his father was drunk.

That did not surprise him.

_Of course father's drunk! He's always drinking after work. _

Robert glared at him, "Your drunk," he said and received another slap.

Robert turned his face back to his father and glared at him again, refusing to show any weakness or pain. All those years of practice and now Robert was a master at hiding his emotions.

"Come on father I'll take you upstairs to bed," he said.

He knew his father will pass out as soon as he laid his head on a pillow.

"Don't tell me what to do boy!" his father yelled again.

He socked Robert hard this time on the jaw. The fierce blow was a surprise to Robert and he completely lost his balance and fell on the hard wooden floor.

He quickly got up before his father could start kicking him, another thing that he had gotten good at; picking himself up off the floor before getting kicked in the gut.

"Come on father let's get you upstairs," he muttered taking his father by the shoulders and steering him up the stairs. It wasn't difficult; at fifteen Robert was tall enough to reach his father's shoulders.

They soon made it up the stairs and his father was muttering under his breath as Robert sat him down on his bed and took off his shoes before laying him down and covering him with a blanket.

"No good kid for a son," his father muttered before he closed his eyes and started snoring loudly. He only snored when he drank too much. Depending how drunk he was the louder he snored.

Robert took one last look at his father and turned out the light before closing the bedroom door quietly. He would never admit this to anyone but what father had said stung him and he couldn't help but feel a little put out.

_What am I doing wrong?_

How was he still a bad kid when he took care of his father when he was drunk?

He went inside his bedroom, changed into his pajamas without even turning on the light and threw himself on his bed. He laid flat on his back staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts drifted away to the memory of when he was in the hospital six years ago, after he got hit by that car.

_"I don't want you to help me," Robert's nine year old self had said._

_"Why not?" Robert remembered House asking. _

_"Because if you do they'll take me away from my father and if that happens then I won't be there when my mom comes back. She won't find me if I'm not there."_

_"Robert I don't think..." _

_"Okay you got me convinced that none of this is my fault but I still have a feeling that she will come back I have to believe that because if I don't..."_

_"I understand" House said "I understand but just don't hate me when you come to regret this decision."_

"_I won't," Robert mumbled._

Regret.

That was what Robert felt right now.

House was right; he had been so stupid to believe his mother would come back. It's been six years already and nothing. No phone call, no letter or any news of where she was.

Shame washed over Robert's face making him feel lightheaded. How can he have been so naive to hope she will come back? She left and House was right that Robert would eventually regret refusing the help he offered.

He hated House for it, just as House had predicted it.

Robert had never heard from the young med student again after that night he confronted Robert's father. Robert just assumed he went back to the states but wherever House was he didn't care, he didn't want to see that man ever again.

Then just like that as Robert was lying there the feeling of need had suddenly entered Robert's body, like an electric shock jolting him out of his thoughts and he clasped his sheets tightly into his fist as he closed his eyes, trying to steady his rapid breathing.

He knew it was wrong.

He knew he shouldn't do it.

Robert knew it was a terrible thing to do but he had to.

The urge to literally feel the pain in his chest so it can go away was bursting out until he had no self-control left and then suddenly as if Robert was on auto pilot; he found himself out of bed, rummaging through his top drawer until he found what he was looking for.

He knelt down to the floor on his knees, holding up the precious object so its sliver blade gleamed in the moonlight.

Oh the relief this precious thing could give him, the key to letting out all the pain inside him.

He touched the sharp blade lightly with his fingers.

When Robert was thirteen; he and Chris were at a small liquor store. While Chris was paying for his sweets Robert eyed the small knife and quickly shoved it into his pocket without a moment's thought about it.

It was as if he was in a trance like state. Not worrying about getting caught, not even caring that he just shoplifted for the first time.

He didn't even know why he did it. Robert could just remember the sudden need to have it, he didn't even think about cutting himself back then. He just hid it away safely in his top drawer and knowing that cutting was wrong kept him away from actually doing it but now...

The pain, so much pain inside him. He needed it to go away.

Robert couldn't hold on to his self-control any longer. His skin practically tingled at the thought of the blade against his skin.

_What would it feel like?_

_Will it burn? _

_Will it hurt just like how I'm feeling inside? _

"_That doesn't matter," _the tiny voice in Robert's head whispered gently._ "This is what you need to do_. _This will make it all go away."_

Robert grasped the knife tightly into his hand. He was greeted with a small sting, it released an inch of the burden he was feeling and he sighed.

"Yes this will work," he murmured gently as he observed the tiny red cut on the palm of his hand.

Robert pressed the blade gently against his left wrist. At first he was met with the same stinging pain and to his satisfaction he saw the thin red line he had created. He pressed harder this time and was greeted with a flow of blood along with the burning pain. The wonderful hot burning pain as he made another line on his arm.

_The relief_! Oh he felt it!

The nice relief of the emotional pain inside him was gone as he felt the burning pain on his arm. If Robert had to describe what it felt like, what he felt like, it would be as if he was screaming at the top of his lungs, screaming out all of the pain inside him until it was gone and he was nice and empty inside.

The pain soon faded so Robert cut another line onto his arm right next to the last two he created that were already covered in crusted blood.

And just like his blood flowing away, so did the guilt of his mother leaving, so did the abuse his father inflicted on him.

"Don't show weaknesses boy! Stop crying you stupid brat! It's your fault your mother left!" Father's words echoed in his head making him feel dizzy.

_It was my fault..._

Robert sliced another cut in his arm, the burning pain taking it all away. The pain he felt from his father's words and beating, another slash in his arm and that too went away.

Robert looked down at his bloody arm. Four neat rows went down near the veins in his wrist. Robert looked blankly at them, his head feeling numb for what he just did.

He felt better, so much better.

He got up and went to the bathroom to rinse the bloody knife and clean the blood off his arms. As the cool water flowed over his red irritated skin, Robert wondered briefly what his father would do if he found out what he just had done to himself.

He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He looked pale, sad, but the look in his eyes was different. They were swimming with the sense of relief of the pain inside him and Robert smiled sadly at his reflection.

_If cutting's a way to deal with it all then so be it..._

**So did you like it? I hope I didn't scare you guys and if I did, don't worry I promise the cutting won't last long the poor kid is only searching for a way to deal with his problems. Okay I shouldn't say anything more. You guys have my permission to yell at me if you didn't like what I wrote by reviewing, but really I think it was a good chapter so please don't be too harsh. Oh and I know the weather is off from where chase is from, it's because I live in the u.s and I don't really want to spend a lot of time researching weather and what not lol.. oh and sorry for the bad grammer! I suck at grammer.**

**Chase'sGirl19**


	2. Chapter Two Skate Park

**Chapter Two Skate Park**

**Disclaimer: I forgot to state this in the first chapter but I don't own any characters of House…and that goes for the rest of the story.**

Robert woke up pretty late and made his way down to the kitchen. It was an early Sunday afternoon, the last day of summer vacation. Robert and his friends had decided to spend their last day of freedom over at the skate park Robert's favorite place in the whole world aside from Taylor's house. Everytime he went over; Mrs. Anderson would stuff him with food and spoil him with hugs. It was as if she was trying to replace the absence of his mother. Robert knew they were great friends before mom left.

He stepped into the kitchen and was slightly taken aback to see his father's girlfriend Rachel Woods; eating lunch at the table with him. He didn't know why he felt so surprised to see her. She was always here but he just couldn't get used to the fact that father was dating her.

_Can't she see that Father looks hungover? Does she even know of his drinking problem? Probably not or if she did, she didn't care. _

Robert eyed her carefully as he began to make himself a sandwich before he left. He briefly remembered she was the woman he caught his father with in the living room when he was nine.

"I'm glad to see you have finally chosen to grace us with your presence," his father snapped from the table. Clearly his hangover was making him grumpy and he was now taking his bad mood out on Robert.

"What have I told you about sleeping all morning? Have you've been out late again?"

Robert finished making his turkey sandwich but didn't turn around to face his father.

"No I was here all night. I just fell asleep late," Robert lied. His voice barley controlled to keep from shouting. His father was always nagging him about going out with his friends. Even if he was home by eight his father still shouted at him for being late.

Actually the truth was that Robert spent the whole night at Taylor's.

She was his best friend and whenever his father was passed out or completely wasted that was where Robert went to escape from it all.

Blocking out his Father's ongoing lecture; Robert smiled at the thought of Taylor, her blue eyes, her smile and long brown hair. When he was with her; he can forget all about his father being drunk at home as they always spent the whole night watching movies or playing monopoly (their favorite game since they were kids).

He was really quite amazed that father hadn't found out about his late night disappearances or Taylor's parents finding out about his visits to their daughter's room for that matter. Besides they weren't doing anything bad they were just best friends but if both their parents find out they wouldn't see it like that so Taylor and Robert both kept those nights a secret from them.

"Robert! Look at your father when he's speaking to you! Don't be disrespectful you little twerp!" Rachel snapped.

Robert balled up his fist. Hate for her surged through him and before Robert could stop himself he turned around and said to his father "What is she doing here?"

Rachel glared at Robert as father stopped his lecture and pierced him with a warning stare.

"Don't speak to Rachel like that boy. Apologize now!"

"No! She's the one who needs to apologize! She called me a twerp!"

"She is an adult and my girlfriend therefore you must respect her so apologize now!"

Father stood up and took a threatening step towards him. Robert stepped back until he felt the edge of the counter pressing into his back.

_Respect? I have to show that bitch respect?! Over my dead fucken body!_

"No," Robert stated firmly.

He really wished he had the balls to say what he was actually thinking.

Father slapped him across the face.

That just made Robert angrier and he felt rebellious which ment he was about to say something stupid.

"Why do you even have a girlfriend anyways?"

"That's enough boy!" his father warned in a threatening tone.

"No! You're just going to end up beating the crap out of her like you did to mom!"

"Fucken little shit!" Father shouted and grabbed Robert by the hair and threw him against the wall.

"Don't you dare shout at me like that and don't you ever mention that slut in my house again!"

"Why?" Robert shouted once he caught his breath. "You mentioned her last night so why can't I?"

"Don't you smart mouth me!" he socked Robert in the stomach causing Robert to start coughing and gasping for air.

Robert half expected Rachel to stop father from beating him, to get the hint that he was dangerous but she didn't.

She never stopped the beatings.

She always enjoyed watching Robert get the living daylights socked out of him. She hated Robert as much as he hated her and she always stated smugly after each beating that Robert deserved to be "Punished."

"Get out of here!" Father shouted once the beating was finally over. "I'll deal with you later tonight."

Ignoring his father's words and Rachel's smug statements of: "Rowan you got to keep that brat in his place. Maybe the belt will do it." Robert left the kitchen and grabbed his skateboard.

He didn't even dare go back into the kitchen to get his sandwich. It didn't matter anyways, he wasn't hungry anymore.

Despite his throbbing new bruises; Robert couldn't help but notice the nice day outside as he walked to the skate park with his board tucked under his arm. He was running pretty late and he didn't bother waiting for Taylor, assuming she was probably already over there with Chris.

Robert frowned.

Taylor was going to find out what he did to himself. She could read him like a book, something that annoyed Robert sometimes but then he was grateful that she knew what he was feeling, especially after a terrible beating from his father because then he didn't have to talk about it.

Robert tugged down his long sleeves making sure that the red angry cuts on his arms were completely covered. Guilt for what he did was starting to make him feel a little nauseas and he just hoped that Taylor wouldn't find out.

After five minutes of walking he finally reached the park and waved to his best friends in greeting. They were sitting down on the grass under their favorite tree waiting for him.

Chris with his dark messy hair and brown eyes; laughing at the antics of the other kids in the park.

Taylor with her long brown hair and blue eyes as she strummed a few chords on her guitar.

"Hey guys," Robert greeted as he sat down on his skateboard next to Taylor.

"What kept you Robert?" Chris asked.

Robert shrugged "My father made me clean my room first."

The lie came easy, quick; it slipped off Robert's tongue without a second thought about it.

Back then when Robert was younger he hated lying to Chris. He always felt guilty for the fake reasons he told him to explain all his cuts and bruises, but now... now Robert has told so many lies to Chris of why he had a new bruise everyday Robert didn't think much about it anymore.

Taylor knew. She knew where all the bruises came from and she didn't like that Robert was lying. She wanted him to tell Chris the truth because they were best friends and Chris would understand but Robert had a feeling it was not that simple. Chris will never understand especially all the lies Robert has been telling him.

Taylor gave Robert a pointed look. She knew that was a lie so he looked away from her and smiled to Chris "Come on lets go skate!"

"Okay!" Chris leapt to his feet and skated towards the ramps. Robert got up as well.

"You coming, Tay?"

Taylor strummed her guitar. "When are you going to tell Chris the truth about your father?"

Robert looked back at his friend who was already skating back and forth on the ramp, the wheels of his board grinding the warped wood.

"Tay not now..." he groaned.

"That's what you said six years ago," she sighed.

"Taylor you don't understand. Chris is not like you, he won't react like you did."

She looked up at him "He's your best friend."

"Exactly!" Robert said as he tugged down his sleeves, making sure his arms were still fully covered. "What if I tell him? He won't want to be best friends anymore."

Taylor gave him an exasperated look. "Robert ..."

"Hey Robert!" Chris called out. "What's taking you so long? Come on!"

Robert grabbed his board and ran towards the ramp leaving Taylor with her guitar. He was glad of the escape of having a repeated conversation again.

_Why can't she just leave me alone about it… I'm not telling Chris about his! She's crazy!_

"Sorry I was talking to Tay," Robert apologized as he stepped onto his board. "Come on I'll race you to the other side!"

He skated down the other end at full speed. The wind blew through his hair, hitting his face gently and Robert felt as if he can forget about everything and the only thing that existed was his skateboard and the wind as he skated back and forth, vaguely aware of Chris trying to keep up behind once they were too tired to skate they plopped down on the edge of the ramp together out of breath and sweaty from the late warm summer air.

"Can't believe summers over already," Chris moaned.

"Yeah."

"Do you think Mary Sullivan will take notice of me this year? I swear I grew taller since last year."

Robert laughed "I don't know Chris I heard she might be interested in Evan this year."

"You got to be kidding! Who told you that?!"

"Tay."

Chris snorted at Robert's answer and spun the wheels on his skateboard.

"Look who's here" he grumbled.

Robert turned to who Chris was looking at and sure enough Evan Cooper and his group of friends were making their way through the park.

Evan Cooper...

He and Robert had hated each other since elementary school. He had made fun of Robert for his cuts and bruises making fun of him for his supposed clumsiness. He made Robert's and Chris's life miserable since kinder until for a while during 4th grade after a fight Evan and Robert had; Evan witness Robert's father "punishing" him.

Evan was shocked for what he had seen and had even tried to help Robert out and apologize for all the terrible things he had done but Robert rejected his apology and pushed Evan away. Robert knew Evan meant well but Robert was too angry at the time to deal with him and plus he didn't want Evan's friendship out of pity. Evan's act of being nice had only lasted that one year then right after that at the start of 5th grade he went back to his old bullying ways.

"Crap," Robert muttered. "Wanna get out of here?"

He didn't feel like dealing with Evan today, especially after what happened this morning.

"Okay let's go get Tay and we can go get some pizza," Chris said as he and Robert got up.

They were halfway back to Taylor when "Hey Chase! Chase!"

"Fuck! Just keep walking!" Robert muttered.

"Where you going Chase? To your mommy? Oh no wait she left!" he laughed as his friends behind him laughed stupidly along with him.

"Just ignore him Robert," Taylor said once they reached her and they began to walk out of the park.

"Come on Chase what's wrong? Your Mommy didn't love you enough to stick around?!" Robert stopped walking and turned abruptly around.

"Robert no!" Taylor pleaded "Please ignore him!"

"But Taylor that jerk is having a go at his mom!" Chris said.

"I know but it'll be stupid to get into a fight! Please ignore him Robert come on let's go!"

She tugged on his arm trying to get him to turn around and start walking again. Robert ignored his friends and glared at Evan who was now standing in front of him,his group of idiot friends behind him. "Don't talk about my mom Cooper," Robert said in a barely controlled voice.

"Oh and what are you gonna do about it Chase? Go crying to Taylor's mommy because you don't have one?"

Robert lost control and socked Evan right in the jaw causing Evan to fall to the ground. Taylor and Chris grabbed Robert to prevent him from hitting Evan again.

"You guys let me go!" he shouted.

"No Robert! Come on!" Taylor pleaded pulling him away.

"Yeah mate…Tays right. Come on he's not worth it. Think of what your father will do when he finds out about this."

"I don't care! Evan insulted my mom!"

"Come on Robert!" Taylor pleaded.

Robert glared down at Evan, mutual dislike hanging in the air between them "You better listen to your little girlfriend Chase," he sneered before getting up and walking away with his group.

Robert didn't stay behind to watch them leave, he quickly turned around and stalked angrily out of the park.

"Robert ..." Taylor said breaking their tensed silence.

Robert could feel it.

He needed to cut, to get out the pain and anger Evan's words had brought him.

"I'm going home," he snapped a little harder than he had intended too.

Ignoring the hurt looks on his friends; Robert got onto his skateboard and skated home as fast he could. When he got there he suddenly realized that he did not want to be there. He was about to skate away to some other place when he realized his knife was there, the only thing that will bring him relief.

"Fuck," Robert murmured under his breath.

He could just go in that house and deal with his father for what happened his morning just so he can grab his knife and go somewhere else. It seemed like a heavy price to pay just so he can satisfy the burning need he was feeling right now but he had to cut...

He needed to...so badly…

Robert hesitated for a few minutes not sure what to do until the burning itch of needing to cut finally took over and he ran up the porch and into the house.

The house seemed empty but Robert didn't want to take any chances so he ran quickly up to his room to grab his knife and leave.

"Robert!" father shouted.

"Fuck," Robert muttered.

He was barely halfway through his bedroom door. His father's heavy footsteps thundered on the stairs. Robert stepped inside and took slow steps until he was standing in front of his bed, his breath coming out slowly as he waited for father to appear through the doorway.

"What do you got to say for yourself for what happen this morning?" Father shouted as he came into the room.

"She started it," Robert said stiffly.

Father slapped his face "You little liar!"

Robert glared at him.

"And how dare you mention that slut in front of Rachel!"

"Mom wasn't a slut!" Robert said.

"Stop back talking you ungrateful little bastard!" Father pushed him to the floor and kicked Robert in the ribs. Robert tried to push his father away but it was no use. The kicking continued for another few minutes until his father pulled Robert up by the hair.

"Now I want you to apologize to Rachel tomorrow got it you good for nothing little bastard?!"

He let go of Robert's hair and it was all he could do to keep himself from falling let alone stand on his own. His ribs were hurting so bad and it took all he had to glare at his father and say "No."

"Why you little!" Father socked his stomach and Robert double over and gagged.

When he finally gained control of his breathing Robert looked up at his father and shouted "Why do you even have a girlfriend! It's like I said earlier father! As soon as you're tired of fucking her you're going to start beating her just like you did to mom!"

"Robert Chase!" his father yelled grabbing him by his neck and slamming him against the wall. "The reason I beat your mom was because she was a dirty slut who deserved it!"

His hands wrapped harder around Robert's neck. Gasping for air; he tried to pry father's fingers off.

"Let go," Robert gasped. "Please let go..."

But it was no use pleading anymore. His father's hands tightened until dark spots began to cloud Robert's eye sight.

"I'll only let go when you admit you were being an idiot and agree to apologize to Rachel for being a smart mouth little brat this morning!"

Robert coughed and gasped for air managing to say a small "Yes sir."

Finally father let go of him and Robert slid down to the floor, still fighting to breathe. His father knelt down and grabbed his chin forcing Robert to look straight up at him.

"Now you listen to me Robert," father growled. "I don't know if this is some kind of phase you're going through but lately you been talking back, disrespecting me and Rachel and it's time you snap out of It!"

Robert glared at his father and was about to give out an angry retort but his father tightened his hold on him.

"And it's time you get your act together and stop daydreaming about your little slut mother coming back one day for you because she is Not. Coming. Back! You have to start accepting that she left you Robert. If she really did love you then she wouldn't have left. It's obvious she didn't love a little shit like you."

Robert met his father's eyes for a second before looking away.

_He's right..._

"This time I'm letting you off easy but if you can't control that mouth of yours, next time it'll be my belt whipping sense into that dumb head of yours!"

Father let go of Robert's chin and stood up and pulled out his wallet and tossed Robert a couple of twenties.

"Go out with your friends tonight," he said as he left, closing the door softly behind him.

Robert picked up the twenties and looked at them in confusion. His father hated when he went out and now after a punishment he gave him money so he can? Robert quickly pocketed the money and stood up.

His whole body was shaking and his neck was aching from the pressure of father's hands. Trying to ignore the uncomfortable pain in his stomach, ribs, and neck; Robert quickly opened his dresser grabbed his knife and left the house.

The sun was going down as Robert walked slowly back to the skate park. There was really no other place to go anyways.

He clenched the knife in his pocket; Anxiety filled him up as the silver blade cut into the palm of his hand barley suppressed the urge to give in.

Oh ...how badly Robert needed to cut…

His body was shaking so hard It was all he could do keep himself from pulling out the knife and cut in the middle of the street.

It was a relief to Robert to finally reach the park; the loom of the ramps standing out, big and gleaming under the moonlight casting dark shadows around them. Robert climbed onto the ramp and sat down, his legs swinging of the edge as he held the knife to his wrist and cut a thin line into the delicate skin.

Pain immediately flared up and Robert welcomed the pain as he cut another line next to it along with the others he did the other night.

His father's words rang in his ears as he cut another straight line in his skin.

Father couldn't have been right. Mom loved him, she always protected him. Father was wrong, he was wrong but Robert couldn't convince himself.

The truths in his father's words were seeping into his heart and mind, seeping in as fast as his blood was seeping out of the cuts he had made.

_Father's right... Mom never loved me..._

There was a snap of a twig. A bush rustled behind him causing Robert to jump and he stood up quickly his hand closed tightly around his knife.

"Who's there?" he shouted out.

His voice rang out in the warm night air. "Show yourself!"

There was silence only the steady drip of Robert's blood falling onto the wooden ramp. Robert stared hard into the trees trying to catch any sign of movement when finally a voice cautiously said

"Put the knife away Chase. It's only me."

**Thanks for the Reviews I hope I get more lol**

**Chase's Girl19**


	3. Chapter Three Let me help you

**Chapter Three "Let me help you"**

**A/N: enjoy! =)**

Chase immediately looked up and glared at the boy through the darkness. His brown hair, neatly styled so it fell into his eyes. His medium built stature partly hidden in the shadows the trees created.

Hate for this boy surged through Robert's veins. He clutched his knife tightly causing a thin trail of blood to seep through his fingers.

"What are you doing here Cooper? Here to have another go at me about my mother? To tell me that I was the reason why she left? That she never loved me or cared enough to take me with her? Because you don't have to tell me Cooper, I already know!"

Robert practically shouted out the last few words. His whole body was shaking and he tightened his hold on the blade of his knife. The gentle stinging was now burning and he welcomed it. He let it calm him down but it was no use as he began to shake harder and the traitorous tears began to slide down his cheeks.

"Chase let go of it," he heard Cooper say gently.

Robert didn't understand what Cooper was talking about.

_Let go? Let go of what?_

"Come on Chase your slicing up your hand."

It wasn't until Robert felt the gentle pull of the knife then he understood and loosened his grip on the blade.

"I didn't come here to insult you actually I didn't know you were here. I didn't think anyone would be here this time of night," Cooper said as he discreetly pocketed the knife.

Robert ignored him as he stared down at the ramp, examining the lines of the wood, the black spots where it warped, the bugs of the night crawling along the cracks.

"Since when did you cut yourself anyways?" Cooper went on. "Do your dork friends know about this?"

Robert shook his head; he wanted Cooper to leave already.

_What is he doing here anyway?_ Why couldn't he just let Robert wallow in his self-pity and the precious burn his blade gave him?

"You should tell them," Cooper said.

Robert glared at him "don't tell me what to do."

"Sorry I just..." Cooper shrugged. "Well if you won't tell them then at least tell me why you are slicing up your arms."

"Why?" Robert asked in defiance.

He didn't trust Cooper.

"So you can make fun of me and go tell all your little friends what a pussy I am?"

"No I just ..." Cooper shrugged and tore off a strip of the warped wood. "I'm just saying that there are other ways to deal with what you're going through then cutting."

"You don't know anything," Robert said through gritted teeth.

He needed to cut, he needed to so bad but Cooper had his knife. Maybe if he kept Cooper talking, somehow Robert can get it back.

"Yeah I do know, well at least some of it," Cooper said.

He looked at Robert, his eyes dark with the seriousness that filled his voice.

"Do you remember when we were little kids? I saw your dad hitting you and your mom was close to tears? Remember I tried to help you and you pushed me away? Do you remember that Chase?"

Robert looked shyly at Cooper. He did remember. Of course he remembered. How can Robert forget that fight when he lost his basketball? The most precious thing his father had given before everything went to crap.

Robert glared at Cooper. "I remember but that was years ago."

"Well at least I know a little."

"You only know the skin on the apple!" Robert laughed at Cooper's response and stood up.

"Where you going?!" Cooper called out.

Ignoring him; Robert jumped off the ramp and began to walk away.

"Chase! Why are you leaving?"

"Since your trying to take a walk down memory lane I see there is no way I'm going to get my knife back so I see no reason to stay!" Robert shouted over his shoulder as he walked farther away.

Footsteps sounded behind him and Robert felt Cooper's fingers wrap around his upper arm spinning him around and finding himself face to face with Cooper.

"You're going to find another way to cut aren't you?"

"What's it to you?" Robert growled in annoyance.

Cooper's brown eyes were looking straight at him "There's a better way to deal with it Chase. I can show you if you let me."

"How do I know that I can trust you?"

Cooper didn't answer, he just held up Robert's arm studying the crimson cuts.

"You just have to take that chance because You can't go on like this Robert; you'll end up killing yourself."

Robert tugged his arm away from him. He knew Cooper was right but he wasn't sure if he can stop. It's like breaking a bad habit once you start it'll be impossible to quit.

"I don't know if I can," Robert mumbled, looking anywhere besides Cooper.

"Do you want to stop?"

Robert thought about that question. He wasn't really sure of the answer. He loved the feel the blade gave him but Cooper was right.

If Robert kept this up...He let out a deep sigh. He didn't want to think about it so he just gave a small nod.

"Then I can help you," Evan said happily. "Only if you'll let me because if you don't do your part then all this will be for nothing."

Robert avoided his gaze for a while. He wasn't sure if he can actually trust Cooper. The kid had been pretty rotten to Robert his whole life but why did Robert find himself wanting to except his offer? Why did he suddenly find himself willing to give Evan a chance? Maybe it was the seriousness in his voice or the way Cooper was looking at him...his eyes not filled with loathing but with concern instead.

_Why does Cooper care anyways? Why is he being so nice all of a sudden? _

Robert shoved his hands in his pockets, the fabric irritated his cuts but he didn't mind. "Okay fine but you have to leave my friends alone got it?"

"Yeah sure," Cooper shrugged. "And you can call me Evan if you want."

"Uh… yeah okay," Robert mumbled not giving any sign that he cared or offered to let Evan call him by his first name also.

Robert suddenly became aware that his body was still shaking and he was starting to sweat. He still needed to cut. He wanted his knife but he had to let Evan help him stop, he was right Robert possibly couldn't go on like this and he was stupid for even starting in the first place.

Noticing the sudden change in Robert; Evan said "Come on I'll take you somewhere to get your mind off cutting," and led Robert out of the park and into the neighborhood.

It was quiet between the boys for a while not a sound from them except for the occasional rustle of the leaves and the quiet chirping of the nearby crickets. Robert sneaked a glance over at Evan. The taller boy was walking with his hands in his pockets and his eyes looking straight ahead.

"Why are you doing this?" Robert asked. "Why are you being...?"

Evan looked at Robert as he tried to find what he was trying to say.

"Umm... Nice?"

Evan smirked at Robert's choice of word.

"I dunno," he answered. "I hate your guts Chase. I'm not going to deny that and it's fun picking on you but…. it's just seeing a kid getting hit from his dad, well it just reminds me of my own dad before he went to jail."

Robert looked at Evan in surprise. "Your dad beat you too?"

Evan shrugged "He never hit me too hard it was my mom and my sisters who got the worst of it."

_Oh... This explains a lot... _

"How did your dad end up in jail?"

"A few years ago he was involved in a hit and run while being under the influence."

"Oh" Robert said. "Did the driver…?"

"yeah," Evan muttered.

They continued walking in silence, Evan was looking a little down and Robert was starting to regret asking that last question.

"Hey Chase?"

"Yeah?"

"When I first saw your dad about to hit you I felt like I was watching myself get hit, that is why I wanted to help you but you pushed me away and I figured if I couldn't help you then I should probably just ignore it and act like I didn't see what had happened."

Robert laughed "Was that why you were leaving me alone and ignoring me for weeks after?"

Evan smiled sheepishly "I was trying to be nice."

Robert laughed "You have a nice way of showing it!"

Evan shrugged. "Well I tried... but you were the one being the stubborn ass!"

"Yeah will you were being a jerk also."

Evan laughed "Okay I won't deny it. Sorry by the way Chase for everything I've done to you in the past."

They had stopped walking now.

"Do you forgive me for being an ass to you for all those years?"

Robert looked at up at him. Evan's face was half hidden in shadow but he could tell the apology was sincere. It was accepting it that was the problem.

How do you forgive someone who has tormented you for years?

Should he accept Evan's apology and become friends? Act like nothing has happened in the past? Forget that Evan was the cause for the loss of his basketball? The cause for all the playground fights Robert had to endure during school? Or should he reject the apology and keep Evan as the enemy because that is what Evan was. The enemy. The one Robert had to protect himself from, but no it was not Evan who was the enemy. Robert realized it was his father who was the real enemy. Robert had to protect himself from father; not Evan who was asking for forgiveness the one who stopped him from cutting.

_Cutting… I need to cut_

The thought of cutting made Robert want to moan in longing for his precious blade but he knew he couldn't have it.

"Earth to Chase? You still there?"

Evan's voice brought Robert back and without thinking he found himself shaking Evan's offered hand, accepting his apology.

"So I guess we're friends now?" Robert asked, he could feel Evan's gaze on him again but didn't really think much of it as they continued to walk.

"Yeah… yeah, you can say that," Evan shrugged as he looked away.

"Where are we going anyways?"

"Some hangout spot with the guys."

"Oh..."

"Don't worry they'll leave you alone. I'm just taking you there cus I know it'll take your mind off cutting."

"Have you ever cut before?"

"Um I've had the temptation but I found that distracting myself with other stuff helped me from actually doing it."

"What stuff?"

"You'll see."

It wasn't long until they reached a house that sat at the corner of the block. Robert could see it was abandoned. The tiles of the roof littered the overgrown lawn and the shutters were hanging half open on their rusty latches. It had the air of a place that hasn't been lived or cared for in years.

"Are you sure this house isn't haunted?" Robert asked.

He wouldn't have been surprised if it was as he eyed the broken windows.

"Nah," Evan laughed. "It's just our hangout spot."

Robert nodded.

"Come on let's go inside," Evan said and led him through the garden and into the house.

The house was dark, creepy, everything a haunted house should be and Robert could hear the house creaking as If someone was walking around on the second floor.

_Ghost?_ Robert thought and craned his neck up the stairs to catch a glimpse of the unknown creeping upstairs.

"Come on Chase," Evan said and led Robert through a door towards the right.

Robert followed him inside and found himself in a large room that looked to be some kind of parlor or living room of some kind. There were patched sofas that were place around an old battered TV which was occupied by several teenage boys.

Evan's friends.

"Hey guys," Evan greeted as he sat on an empty armchair.

Robert sat in the other armchair across from Evan. He can feel the stares from the boys on him and he had to dig his nails into the armchair to keep himself from leaving.

"What's this fag doing here?" a tall boy with black hair asked. His eyes switched over from the TV to Evan who was reaching over to the coffee table to grab a beer.

"He's cool you guys I invited him here." He gave Robert a beer.

"Nah I'm good," Robert said.

He can smell the alcohol and his father's drunken face formed into his mind.

"Come on Chase," Evan said as he held out the offered beer bottle. He quickly glanced at his friends before whispering "It'll help."

Robert dug his nails deep into the armchair. He was about to go insane if he didn't cut and Evan knew it, so his solution was to drink!

Robert took the beer bottle and opened it. The smell immediately hit him in the face. The memory of father drunk and yelling out foul words…his breathe so strong and filled with alcohol it stank up the air around him.

Long ago Robert had vowed to himself to never touch this but that was years ago. Plus it was better than cutting...

_It's just one beer, one..._

_I won't get completely wasted like father;_ Robert assured himself as he forced all thoughts of father away from his mind and took a sip.

**What a change in Evan! Let's see where this new friendship goes shall we ;) and thanks you guys for the reviews =)**

**-Chase'sGirl19**


	4. Chapter Four Keeping A Promise

Chapter Four Keeping a Promise

The early morning sun shone brightly on Robert's face instantly giving him a massive headache. Groaning; Robert buried himself deeper into his blankets, noticing the way his tongue felt like sandpaper and the residue taste caked onto his teeth.

_What happened last night?_

Robert closed his eyes tight, concentrating hard on the memory of last night's events.

The images were fuzzy at first but slowly they cleared and the images sharpened revealing the memories of father beating him. The memory of Robert wanting to cut, still so fresh in his mind, the silver blade cold against his skin.

Robert sighed and covered his right wrist with his left hand.

_Why did I cut?_

Guilt churned in his stomach as Robert felt the raised ridges of his cut up skin that would soon turn into scars. He now remembered where he went last night. He was at the skate park; sitting on the wooden ramp and he wasn't alone.

Evan had shown up managing to stop Robert from cutting himself more. It was an interesting conversation they had. Robert's memories were still a bit hazy but he was certain Evan had offered to help Robert stop cutting. He had even apologized to Robert and offered to be friends! Despite the reason Evan told him why he wanted to help him; Robert still wondered what his true intentions were. It was just so hard to believe that the boy who bullied Robert for half his childhood wanted to be friends now.

A dark house now entered Robert's memories. The living room glowed from the half light of the television and among the hazy smoke filled air were several teenage boys drinking and smoking.

"Come on Chase," Evan's face was right in front of Robert as he held out a beer bottle.

"It'll help."

Ignoring all of his instincts shouting at him to not take the beer bottle Robert grabbed it from Evan and chugged it down and Robert groaned at the memory of the few other beers he drank after that.

After that everything was blank. Robert tried harder to remember what had happened after or even how he got here but it was no use. It was as if someone had wiped that part of the night clean from his memories. Robert covered his face with his hands feeling shame wash down all the way to his sock covered toes.

_Why did I have to drink so much? Didn't I promise myself I'll never touch that shit after seeing what it does to father? Why am I such an idiot sometimes?_

Robert didn't have anymore time to berate himself on the stupid actions he committed last night due to the loud thunderous knocking outside his bedroom door.

"Robert get up for school!"

Robert sighed and slowly sat up. The pain of his headache behind his eyes flared and it was all Robert could do to not gasp aloud.

"Robert are you up?" his father shouted again.

"Yes..." Robert tried to say but his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before saying again

"Yes sir I'm up."

"Good be down in twenty minutes!"

"Yes sir."

It was quiet in the car on the way to school, the tense air hanging heavily over Robert and his father. Robert was still upset about the beating he received last night so he had nothing to say to father and the fact that he felt like crap because of his small hangover didn't help his bad mood at all.

Father drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited on the red light. Unable to take the splitting headache the radio was giving him; Robert reached over and turned it off. Father glanced at him before switching his eyes back to the road.

"You okay Robert? You don't look too good."

Robert shrugged "I'm fine," he mumbled. "Just feeling the effects from last night."

Not a lie.

"You had it coming," father practically growled as he began driving again and made a right turn.

"I hope you thought long and hard about what I said last night and get your act together because I'm not going to tolerate your nonsense anymore you got that?"

_Fuck you!_ Robert thought but instead he lamely said "Yes sir." He didn't dare say anything that would start a fight; Robert just didn't feel up to one at the moment.

Father parked the car in front of the school. Not wanting to converse with him anymore; Robert quickly took his seatbelt off showing that he was leaving as he grabbed his backpack. He was about to turn the door handle when father said "Wait Robert, before you leave I want to talk to you about something."

Since Robert was facing away from his father; he took the liberty to roll his eyes before letting go of the door handle. He took a deep breath; he wanted nothing more than to just snap at father and tell him to leave him alone but instead he forced himself to turn around and questionably look at father with an innocent face free from any signs of the irritation that was bubbling in his chest.

Father clutched the steering wheel tightly looking quite embarrassed about he was about to say. Robert had never seen his father act like this before. Father cleared his throat loudly making Robert quite curious about what he was going to say and Robert had to admit it was pretty funny to see him so embarrassed.

Father cleared his throat again and said "Robert you're starting the tenth grade and since you're fifteen…well, I think it's a bit overdue for the talk."

Robert felt his face go red.

_This is not happening..._

"Now as you grow older there has been certain changes' going on in your body that..."

Robert could feel his face growing hotter and hotter as his father began to explain the dynamics of the birds and the bees.

It was a really uncomfortable situation that Robert had found himself in and he could not help but fidget a little.

Fidgeting was something that Robert had learned not to do when he was little or he'll be punished but luckily his father was so wrapped up in the talk that it went unnoticed.

Then once Robert simply couldn't take it anymore he muttered

"Um father you don't have to say anymore."

Father glared at him for interrupting him, another rule Robert had learned harshly at four.

"Please stop I already know this stuff," Robert mumbled.

He forced himself to keep his eyes on his father. He had already broken a few rules and was now expecting a slap in the face at any moment.

The angry look in father's eyes faded to a look of confusion "You do?"

Robert nodded hoping he won't get slapped.

"Who told you about this?"

"Health class, last year."

That was only half the truth. When Robert and Chris were thirteen they got caught looking at a girl magazine that belong to Chris's older brother Matt. He was furious at the boys for going through his stuff and finding that. After their endless pleas to Matt and begging him not to tell their parents Matt gave in and sat them down to a very long talk about the birds and the bees.

Back to the present father glared at Robert and straightened his tie muttering about smart ass teenage boys and how they think they know everything before he turned his gaze back to the road and put his hands on the steering wheel.

"Okay get out and be here as soon as you get out of school."

"Yes sir," Robert said.

He climbed out of the car as quickly as he can and shut the car door before father decided to hit him at the last minute. He watched his father drive away before he turned and walked through the doors, ready for his second year of high school.

The bell rang sharply through the halls as hundreds of students hurried to their classrooms, carrying books and slamming old rusted lockers as they talked and laughed with friends they haven't seen since the end of the last school year.

Robert made his way through the throng of students attempting to get to his homeroom so he could plop himself down at his desk and close his eyes before his first class of the day.

"Hey Chase!" Evan called and made his way over clasping his hand on Robert's shoulder.

"Ready for tenth grade? David told me some of the chicks got hotter over the summer I... Wow you look like shit! Hangover?"

Robert nodded "Why did you let me drink so much?"

"Yeah sorry, you just really needed to get piss."

"Not that pissed," Robert muttered.

Evan frowned at him. "Don't be so mad Chase I was just trying to help you."

Robert shrugged "yeah I know thanks for that."

Evan shrugged and said "Look I can tell you want to be alone, how about we hang out in nutrition together? Meet me by my locker after class."

He slapped Robert's back before he retreated down the hall where he was joined with his usual group of friends.

Robert watched him go and wondered for the millionth time since last night why Evan was being so damn nice to him.

"Hey Robert!" Chris was suddenly by his side wearing jeans and a dark blue sweater, his dark hair the usual messy style.

"Were you just talking to Cooper? What did he say to you?"

Robert shrugged and continued walking to his homeroom. It seemed as if his plan of trying to get to homeroom as quickly as possible vanished.

"Just asking me about something," Robert said vaguely and decided to turn the subject away from Evan. He was not sure how Chris would react to the fact that he and Evan were friends now and not to mention the reason why.

"Are you going to try out for the football team this year?"

"Of course you know I been practicing for tryouts all summer! Why are you even asking?" Chris laughed then stopped "Wait quit changing the subject on Cooper. What did he want with you?"

"He just wanted to ask me something," Robert said shortly. "Why do you even care anyways? It's none of your business."

Chris snorted and Robert stopped walking.

"What?"

"I just think it is my business when everything that comes out of Cooper's mouth is either about you and your mom or me and Tay."

"Well this time it wasn't."

Chris glared at Robert "Robert why do you have to be so secretive all the time? You know you can trust me with whatever's going on."

Robert looked away. He didn't think Chris would understand but maybe telling him a watered down version of the truth won't hurt.

"Chris, me and Ev... Cooper... Umm,"

"Where you guys arguing just now?" Taylor's voice sounded from behind them.

Robert gave an inward sigh of relief and ran his hand threw his hair. What was he thinking telling Chris about Evan? Chris would get pissed at the thought of Robert and Evan as friends!

He turned and smiled "It's nothing Tay."

Chris shot him a meaningful glance but had the sense to keep his mouth shut. Taylor glanced at both of them "Come on you guys let's get to homeroom."

The rest of the morning went extremely slow in Robert's opinion. He was able to make it through the first few classes in a sleepy haze and trying to be alert enough so no one would notice how hung-over he was.

_Wow what a great way to start the school year_ he thought as he laid his chin on his hand.

The teacher was droning on and on about the rules of the class and what to expect in World History. As if Robert really cared about the stupid things dead kings did over thousands of years ago!

_Okay... Maybe not that long ago..._

Robert yawned and stared at the clock; _Ten more minutes till nutrition..._

He yawned again and noticed Taylor glaring at him for not paying attention. Robert doodled a bit on his notebook so it can look as if he were taking notes.

Eight more minutes, his stomach began to growl.

_Uh oh… Taylor's looking again, better doodle some more. _

Seven more minutes, his eyes were growing heavy.

_Think I should stretch._

Robert sat up and rose up his arms stretching the muscles and feeling his bones crack in satisfaction after sitting in the same position for so long.

_Ugh five more minutes_!

"Question Mr. Chase?"

_Hmm?_

Robert put his arms down and looked up at the teacher.

"No mister I was just stretching."

The teacher glared at him and focused his attention back to the class. Taylor rolled her eyes; Robert promptly ignored her as the bell finally rang.

He packed his stuff up and was halfway towards the door when

"Robert, where are you going? We have to wait for Chris," Taylor said standing besides him with her purple backpack hanging off one shoulder.

"Um Tay I got to go... I..."

Robert didn't know what to say. How could he tell Taylor that he wanted to hang out with Evan Cooper during nutrition instead of her and Chris?

"Listen I got something to do... Um I'll see you in class okay and I'll hang out with you guys during lunch okay?"

Taylor looked a little downcast and Robert couldn't help but feel a little guilty. It's not that he didn't want to hang with her and Chris; Robert just needed to be alone for awhile due to his hangover that seemed to have gotten worse by each class.

"Okay Robert I'll see you later I guess."

Robert put a hand on her shoulder. Taylor looked up and met his eyes.

"Tay we'll hang out in lunch," he promised again before he turned around and walked out of the class leaving Taylor to watch his retreating back.

"Hey Chase!" Evan greeted as he slammed his locker shut.

Robert smiled "What's up?"

"Still hungover?"

Robert nodded.

Evan put an arm around him and led him towards the doors. "Come on I got just the thing for that."

Evan led Robert out to the school yard. It was crowded with students as they made their way towards the cafeteria. Robert caught sight of Chris and Taylor making their way through the crowd and he ducked his head down so they wouldn't see him walking with Evan.

After a while Evan led Robert to a quiet secluded area behind the bungalows.

"Umm what are we doing here? "

"Well I thought you might want to be somewhere quiet since you're hungover," Evan said as he sat on some rusty old bleachers. He was fumbling around in his pockets searching for something.

Robert threw his bag down on the floor and sat next to Evan.

"What are you looking for?"

"For my..." Evan muttered before searching his jeans pockets.

"Ahh here it is!" He held out a cigarette and began to light it up with his lighter. Robert stared at him and caught the whiff of tobacco as Evan exhaled.

"Is that..?"

Evan nodded "Uhuh." He pulled out a flask out of his backpack and tossed it to Robert. "Here it will help with the hangover."

Robert caught the whiff of alcohol.

"How did you sneak this in here?"

"Simple…just don't get caught," Evan said as he blew out smoke from his mouth.

Robert sniffed it again. He wasn't really too keen on drinking again. He felt so hung-over. Wouldn't his make him feel worse?

"Go on Chase drink some, it'll help_. Trust me._"

Robert sighed and took a gulp. It eased his headache a little so he took another gulp until he felt a light heavy buzz and gave Evan back the flask so he won't get drunk again.

"Better?"

"Yeah, headache is more bearable."

"Told you," He handed Robert his cigarette.

Robert hesitated; if he got caught he would be in big trouble. Robert shuddered at the thought of what his father might do if he found out what he's been doing. Drinking, cutting and now smoking?

"Come on Chase what are you waiting for? Just try it," Evan said.

Robert looked at him then looked back down at the cigarette.

_Ahh… screw father and what he would do if he found out about this!_

He would get beaten for sure but it wasn't anything new. Robert was always getting beaten every week for little stuff even once because his father had a bad day at work! So if father caught him smoking it'll just be another beating.

Robert lifted the blunt to his lips and inhaled and began choking on the smoke. Evan patted his back. Robert couldn't really hear what Evan was saying except

"You just got to get used to it, but it's helping right?"

Robert nodded and handed the cigarette to Evan.

It was quiet for a while as they each shared the cigarette until Evan asked

"Let me see your arms."

"Why?" Robert asked in indignation.

"I want to check if you've been cutting again," Evan said calmly as he put out the cigarette.

"Well I haven't, not since you stopped me last night."

"Chase I said I was gonna help you stop and I need to see for myself that you haven't been cutting."

Robert scowled and rolled up his sleeves of his dark grey sweater. Evan grabbed his arms and examined them.

"Happy?" Robert snapped.

Evan nodded and traced one of the old cuts that were starting to scar.

"Yeah Chase, I am happy that you've kept your promise so far."

Robert tugged his arms away from him and pulled his sleeves down.

"You know it helps if you talk about it Chase. You don't have to keep it all inside."

Robert gritted his teeth in annoyance "You're starting to sound like Chris and Taylor."

"Am I?" Robert shrugged.

"Well for once I agree with them," Evan said.

It irritated Robert to hear Evan say that. It was one of the reasons why he was hanging out with Evan and not his best friends so he wouldn't have to hear their questions of why he looks so terrible and now Evan was acting just them! Bothering him with stupid questions like "are you alright?" and "and you should talk about this."

Robert didn't want to talk about it! He just wanted to be left alone! How hard was it to just leave him alone?

"You don't get it do you? None of you do! I don't want to talk about it. There's nothing to say. I pissed my father off. He beats me. End of story. There's nothing to talk about!"

_Screw this I'm out of here!_ Robert got up to leave.

"No Chase don't leave I'm sorry for pushing you!"

Robert sighed and glared at Evan.

"I just don't want to talk about it Evan it's just.. It's something that shouldn't be talked about. You shouldn't even know about the beatings or cutting. If my father finds out that you know he'll... he'll... "

Robert stopped talking due to the fact that his breath started coming out in short gasps. The realization that Evan knew the truth hit Robert hard. Robert's whole body began to shake and cold sweat started to pour down his face and back_. _

_If father found out about Evan knowing about the beatings..._ Robert was dead meat!

"Chase? Chase are you alright!"

Robert's vision began to blur and his legs began to feel weak. He felt hands guide him to the bleachers and helped him sit down.

"Chase are you okay? Just look at me and take a deep breath."

Robert took a deep breath and covered his head in his shaking hands. Father was glaring at him behind Robert's eyelids. Father's own dark eyes were full of hate as he pulled back his fist and...

Robert yelled out in fear, waiting for the fist to connect to face or his stomach. Possibly his chest but instead an unfamiliar hand rested lightly on his shoulder startling Robert greatly and he jumped up blindly off the bleachers and backed against the wall, sliding down onto the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest and covering his face, shaking in fear.

"Chase?" a soft voice said. "Robert, it's me Evan. Your dad isn't here It's just me. We are at school. Do you remember?"

_That voice doesn't sound like father..._

Looking up Robert realized it was only Evan and they were behind the bungalows at school. The strong smell of cigarette was still hanging in the air. Robert felt his face heat up in embarrassment knowing that Evan had just witnessed him having a panic attack.

Robert looked at Evan who looked back at him in concern.

"You okay?"

Robert nodded even though he was drenched in cold sweat and his whole body was shaking.

He had to cut.

He really, really, needed to feel the blade and the relief it brought him. He looked up at Evan with pleading eyes.

"Evan I got to please I ..."

Robert didn't even finish speaking for he spied a twisted old paper clip and grabbed it. But before he could dig it into his skin Evan tore it away from Robert's hand and threw it over the fence.

"You're not cutting yourself," Evan stated with a frown.

"Evan I have too please!"

Robert did not care that he was begging. The only thing that matter was to get rid of that cold fear that was practically choking him. He got up to look for something else but Evan sat him back down on the bleachers and held his face between his hands forcing Robert to stare straight into his brown eyes.

"No Chase you're not cutting. Think of something else, something that will distract you."

Robert tried to pull away but his body was shaking worse than ever now.

"Evan I can't please I have to get rid of it I can't stand it any longer. Hurts too much..."

"What hurts?"

"The fear... The pain he causes the pain I deserve!"

Robert forced himself to not cry and he was glad he was able to control at least that.

"Just this once let me cut!" he almost shouted.

"No I promised you I would help you stop! I'm not breaking it the first time you need to cut!"

"Fuck that Cooper! Just let me fucken cut!"

He spied a sharp rock near the fence and tried to get away so he can get it but Evan was stronger than Robert and held him down without much effort.

After a few moments of struggling Robert gave up and leaned back panting; sweat pouring down his face. Evan was still holding him; his muscles tensed in case Robert decided to have another go. Robert just closed his eyes and tried to control his heavy breathing. He had to cut badly and his body shook at the thought of his knife that Evan had taken away last night.

"I want my knife back Cooper," he mumbled; his eyes still closed.

"No Chase," Evan said. "I promised you that I won't let you cut again, now do what I say okay."

Robert was too tired to object so he nodded.

"Take a deep breath."

Robert inhaled and exhaled slowly feeling his tenses muscles relax.

"Now just think of a memory, any memory that makes you happy."

Robert thought hard for one but he couldn't seem to find one. Bad ones kept popping into his head until he shouted out in frustration "Evan this is stupid!"

"Just listen to me Chase it'll help I promise. This is how I stopped myself from cutting."

"Okay," Robert sighed.

"Now find that happy memory," Evan instructed in a low voice.

Robert closed his eyes and lost himself in memories that made him shake harder in fear until Robert was able to find one. It was a small memory; an old bittersweet memory that made Robert long for the past.

"I found one," he muttered.

"Good," Evan said. "Now tell me what is happening in that memory, tell me what you're feeling."

Robert concentrated hard on the memory.

"It's night time," he said. "I'm maybe around three or four, it's pretty hard to remember but it's my father and he's reading me a bedtime story."

"Good Chase now tell me more."

"He looks young Evan; he doesn't have grey hair or bloodshot eyes with bags under them,"

While Robert was talking he did not realize Evan loosening his grip as he lost himself deep into the memory. "Tell me more," he said.

"The dim light of my lamp is comforting, his words are making me feel sleepy and it's the only thing I hear as my eyes grow heavier. I feel safe and happy... Really happy..."

Robert's voice began to choke up as he felt that familiar feeling. Happiness and contentment; knowing that as long as daddy was there Robert was safe. That warm feeling swelled inside his chest canceling out the fear he was feeling along with the need to cut. Robert kept describing that memory until he couldn't even remember why he wanted to cut in the first place

"Chase?"

Robert opened his eyes. He stopped shaking now and Evan wasn't holding him down anymore.

"Thanks Evan," he said his face burning from shame. "I'm sorry for cussing at you like that."

"It's okay Chase," Evan said and sat next to him offering him another cigarette. Robert smiled and took it and took a long drag before giving it to Evan.

"Feeling better?" Evan asked as he took the cigarette.

Robert nodded and checked his watch "Yeah and class started twenty minutes ago."

Evan nodded as he smoked but made no move to get to class.

"You ever wish for something Chase? Something that you used to have and now it's just gone and for a long time you want that something back. You wish for it so bad that it seems so impossible it had even existed and you can't even believe that you used to have it in the first place?"

Robert knew what he was talking about but he didn't want to admit that.

"You're not making any sense Evan."

Evan laughed and threw his butt to the ground, stomping it with his shoe he said "Maybe I've had enough smoking today,"

Robert smirked "Ever thought of quitting?"

"Nah," Evan stood up and grabbed his backpack "Come on Chase let's get you to class,"

Robert stood up grabbing his backpack and smiled "Its Robert…"

**So here it is! The long awaited Chapter four =) I hope you guys like this …it took me awhile to deem it acceptable and good enough to post. haha enjoy!**

**-Chases's Girl19**


	5. Chapter Five Crushes and Nosy Friends

**Chapter Five Crushes and Nosy Friends**

The class was noisy as Robert and Evan took their seats in their math class. A crowd of students were still coming in from the hallways as the second bell rang.

"Alright! Class is about to start so quiet down please," the teacher announced as he wrote his name on the board next to a bunch of notes.

"This class is a joke, we should've of just stayed at our hangout," Evan whispered to Robert who was writing the notes from the board on to his paper.

"Hanging out there was cool and all Evan but I don't want to skip to many classes today."

"Is this act of ditching no more classes because of your dad?"

Robert shrugged and continued on with his notes.

"You know he won't find out," Evan remarked as Robert ignored him. "Fine we won't ditch this class if it makes you happy."

Robert looked up to reply but suddenly noticed a girl coming in the class.

"Your five minutes late!" the teacher snapped.

"I'm sorry," the girl muttered as she sat to the last empty seat in the class, the one next to Robert.

Robert felt his face go red and forced himself to focus on his notes. He didn't understand why he was feeling so shy or why he kept screwing up everything he was writing. He could only think of how pretty that girl sitting next to him was and how nice she smelled.

"Do you get this problem?" A low whisper startled Robert out of his daze he was now in, knocking his text book to the floor. A loud bang sounded through the class turning all eyes on him. Robert felt his face go red and muttered apologies for the disruption as he bent over to pick up his book. Evan smirked as Robert sat back up and placed his book back on the desk. The teacher continued with his lesson plan after only giving Robert a warning glare for the disruption. Robert glanced at the girl she gave him a small smile and shrugged in apology for scaring him.

Robert only kept his gaze on the board his face still a little red. She probably thought he was a dork now and she won't want to talk to him anymore.

_Damn Evan was right I should of had ditched this class so then i wouldn't had made a complete fool of myself! Who needs math anyway? Ugh dumb girl making him all crazy and dorkish!_

"Mr. Chase are you with us?"

_What?_

"Mr. Chase!"

Evan elbowed him in the ribs and Robert realized the teacher was talking to him.

"Um oh yeah."

He didn't dare look at the girl. He was just making himself look more like an idiot with each passing second.

"I asked you if you understood what I just did here. Well do you?"

"Yeah um you took care of the numbers in the parenthesis first."

The teacher glared at him "Come up and do this problem on the board."

Robert looked at him with his mouth hanging open_. Is this guy serious? Wow this teacher is a douche_.

"I ment right now Chase!"

Robert sighed and got up wishing for someone to just shoot him to save himself from any further humiliation and any chance for that girl to think he wasn't a complete dorky idiot. Robert reached the chalk board and took the chalk the teacher handed him and under his glare quickly did the dumb math problem.

"Get back to your seat."

Robert nodded stiffly and returned to his seat this time not even looking at the girl next to him.

"We should of had just ditched," he whispered to Evan who snorted out loud and covered his mouth to muffle the noise. At least to Roberts's relief the math problem he did was corrected causing the teacher to just continue on with the notes.

"Hey that class wasn't so bad," Evan remarked with a huge smile on his face as they headed down the hall to lunch.

"You're only saying that cus you know you were right about just ditching it," Robert muttered.

"Hey seeing you get humiliated by a teacher in front of your new crush made up for that," Evan smiled and put an arm around him.

Robert shook off Evan's arm and said irritably "and what crush are you talking about?"

"The one catching up to us right now."

"What?" Robert swung around and gaped at the girl coming up to him.

"Hey," she said "You left so fast you forgot this." She held out his math book.

Robert stared at it cursing at it in his head. "Oh I'm... thanks I I'm..."

"You might want to take it to start off with." Evan laughed.

"Oh um yeah, I'll take it. Thanks."

_Wow I'm stupid!_ Robert realized as he took the book from her.

"I'm Carrie," she smiled. "You're really good at math."

"Um yeah I kind of get it but I don't know about good."

"Well I think you are," Carrie shrugged. "I was wondering if you can help me with this class I'm really bad at math it's not my subject."

_She has nice eyes. They are so big and dark._

Evan stomped on his shoe. "Oow! Um yeah I'll help you," Robert stuttered.

Carrie looked at him "Are you alright Chase?"

"Yeah it's just nothing. I'm Chase um no I'm okay I mean just call me Robert my first name is Robert."

"Okay Robert well I'll see you in class," Carrie laughed before walking down the hall. Robert stared after her hardly just believing what happened and noticing how long and pretty her dark brown hair was.

"Well that was smooth," Evan laughed. "You're a stuttering idiot when it comes to girls! Who knew? Haha I thought you'll be used to talking to girls since you hang out with Anderson all the time."

"Shut up Cooper," Robert snapped and started walking to their next class. Evan only laughed and followed him out of the hall.

School was finally over and Robert found himself waiting for his father for over thirty minutes already. He wasn't really surprised at this since it was a recurring habit for his father to pick him up late all the time but it was just really annoying.

"Hey Robert."

Robert looked up to see Taylor sit down next to him on the school steps.

"Hello Tay, why are you still at school?"

"I was just signing up for the art club."

"Wow already? It's barley the first day."

"Yeah but they are already recruiting members .Chris signed up for basketball during lunch. Where were you by the way? We missed you."

Robert shrugged "Just um... Hiding from Ev… I mean Cooper."

Taylor looked at him and he knew she wasn't buying that.

"I just didn't feel like dealing with him today."

"But I didn't see him and his group anywhere near the cafeteria today,"

"Oh really? That's weird. Well at least you and Chris had a peaceful lunch."

"Yeah but we missed you."

"I'll hang out with you guys tomorrow." Robert shrugged.

Taylor nodded "Don't disappear on us again then. You know we do care about you Robert. If your father is starting up problems again you can tell me."

"This isn't about my father Taylor." His headache from the hangover he had this morning was coming back and he was grateful to see Mrs. Anderson's car pulling up in front of them.

"Do you want a ride home?" Taylor asked.

"No my father is coming I'll be fine."

"Are you sure it's been awhile and..."

"I'll be fine Tay just go and I'll call you later okay."

"Alright Robert bye then."

She got up and left to her mom's car. Robert watched them go feeling a little bit put out. He didn't even know why and annoyance for his father sparked up again.

_What is wrong with him! Why does he always have to keep me waiting?_

"Hey Chase I was looking for you," Evan sat down next to Robert.

"I thought you left already."

"Nah just hanging out with the guys."

Robert smiled "It explains why you smell."

"I'm just gonna ignore that and ask if you want to come with us to our hangout?"

Robert looked down the street. There was still no sign of his father's car.

"I don't know about this time Evan, my father expects me to be here when he comes."

"Evan snorted in disbelief "and that's like when? Five hours from now?"

Robert didn't say anything since that actually happened before.

"No way has that happened before?"

"It's not important Evan. wow If I would had known you were this nosy maybe I wouldn't had agreed on becoming your friend." Robert joked as he tried to change the subject away from his stupid father who never picks him up on time.

Evan laughed "You'll get used to it. Now come on Robert hang out with us it's much better than having to wait here for hours."

"Evan you know what he'll do to me if he comes and doesn't find me here."

"Yeah but you'll be with us so he can't hurt you. I'll sneak you back in the house once it's time to go."

"Evan I really don't know," Robert hesitated.

"Please, please Robert I need your company," he dramatically begged.

"Stop that," Robert laughed. Taking one more look down the street and annoyance now turned into anger at his father's lateness. Ah forget this ... "Okay fine I'll come with you."

**I hope you guys liked this short chapter =) don't be afraid to leave comments.**

**Chase'sGirl19**


	6. Chapter Six Enough

**Chapter Six Enough**

"I just don't know how to talk to her without turning into a stuttering idiot," Robert said as he took a sip of his beer.

Robert, Evan and the boys were all at their hangout, drinking, smoking and doing whatever teenage boys did during their free time.

"Look Chase," one of Evans friends Brett, a tall freckly teen with light brown hair took a huge gulp of his beer and said "Just pretend she's that Anderson girl you're always hanging out with."

"It's not that simple Brett," Robert muttered taking an offered cigarette from Evan.

"Just inhale slowly Robert."

Robert sighed and just gave in to the peer pressure. He knew his father will disapprove of all this but that's what made "hanging with the guys" so fun. No more was he that scared little kid who always did exactly what his father told him to do because he didn't care what that bastard thought or did to Robert. Robert was his own person and he'll do what he'll please so if he wanted to smoke then Robert was gonna smoke. He stucked the cigarette between his lips and did as Evan instructed him to do. After a bunch of coughing at first and getting used to it smoking wasn't even that bad; Robert realized it kind of took his stress away and it was a bit better than cutting.

"That Anderson girl is kind of hot," Steven, a boy with short black hair and was kind of known by the other guys of his reputation with girls. "Can you hook me up with her?"

Robert rolled his eyes_, fuck no!_

"We are talking about my girl issues with Carrie remember?"

"But I'm single now and that Anderson is hot! Come on Chase forget Carrie and hook me up with Anderson!"

"You're not helping Steven!" Evan snapped as Robert put out his cigarette. "Come on Robert lets go to the store and get some food and I'll help you with your Carrie problems on the way."

"I'm sorry about Steven," Evan said as he and Robert stood in the snacks aisle in a tiny liquor store.

"He's the perv in our group; so make sure he stays away from Anderson."

"Duly noted," Robert said grumpily.

They talked about his problem with Carrie on the way here but it just didn't help and Robert still couldn't find a way to talk to her without getting all stupid and stuttering and red.

"Hey what are you doing?" Robert whispered when he noticed Evan stuffing gum in his pockets.

"Just getting some gum," Evan said.

"But you're stealing Evan you can't just take that!"

"Hey Robert chill out okay; it's just gum."

"But what if you get caught?"

"Then I'll make sure I won't get caught don't worry Robert I've done his before I know what I'm doing."

Robert looked at Evan in disbelief.

_This kid is crazy!_

If they get caught then they'll both be in huge trouble and Robert hated to think what his father would do! Wait but he was already in deep trouble; bigger trouble actually if his father ever found out about the drinking, smoking, cutting class, oh and the cutting and also not waiting for him after school. Shoplifting was just another act of rebelling to his long list.

"Come on Robert! It's just a few snacks just take something, the guy at the counter isn't even paying attention."

Robert didn't say anything he just looked at the shelves in hesitation.

Evan sighed and said "look at it this way Robert your fathers an ass; he's going to hit you no matter what you do so it's like this, make him mad if he finds out you did this which will be worth getting trouble over or make him mad for not scrubbing the bathroom floor it's your pick. It's time you start fighting against him and show him you're not a little kid anymore, that you're not afraid of his fist. You get me?"

Robert still didn't say anything but looked back at the guy. He was leaning back in his chair reading the newspaper. Robert quickly grabbed a pack of gum and stuffed it into his pocket. Well he had to admit the adrenaline was sort of satisfying; another thing that was a bit better than cutting.

"Okay good let's get out of here," Evan whispered; proudly putting out an arm around Robert and casually leading him out of the store.

Time seemed to slow down in seconds. Robert's heart was beating fast and he was trying his best not to look so guilty.

"Hey, you two! Get back in here! Thieves!" The guy started yelling.

Time just stopped. Sounds became distorted and all Robert knew was that he was somehow running ... Running so fast; past houses and cars with Evan's hand tight around his arm. Until he was pulled behind an ally and they stopped. Evan finally let go of Robert who leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath.

_Wow!_

_The adrenaline!_

_The chase!_

The acceleration and satisfying feeling that he somehow won a fight with his father.

It felt great! Robert felt great and he knew this wasn't gonna be an only one time thing.

Evan finally gave the all clear and he and Robert began to walk back to the hangout with their stolen snacks.

"You alright Robert?" Evan smirked.

"Yes!" Robert laughed. "I swear I'm so happy that we are friends now! We wasted so much time with fighting over the years!"

Evan threw back his head and laughed out loud at the darkening sky. He threw an arm around Robert and said "that was only the beginning of what I plan to show you."

It was late at night when Robert decided to head back home. Evan walked him halfway until they parted ways. It was another warm night and now that he was alone Robert was starting to feel sort of worried of what he was gonna find when he got home.

He could imagine his father waiting for him in the kitchen.

He could see his father angrily pacing the floor; the soles of his shoes wearing out the floor from his repeated agitated steps.

Waiting for his disobedient son to return home so he can punish him until Robert was black and blue...

And then there was that feeling again…

_Cutting_

Robert had to cut and Evan wasn't around. His body began to shake as he ran home and at that point he didn't care about Evan not wanting him to cut he really didn't care at all. Even his father's anger or the beating he was going to get tonight.

He didn't care.

He just cared about his knife and how sharp and cold it will feel against his skin and the heavy flow of blood dripping out and down around his arm landing on the floor.

Red crimson droplets on the floor…

_No! Stop thinking about that!_ Robert chastised himself, common sense finally ebbing away the craving. He needed to get home and call Evan.

Robert finally reached the house and closed the door quietly behind him. The house was completely dark except for the light shining from the kitchen. Robert stood near the door. He could either hide up in his room or go inside the kitchen and confront his father.

Robert sighed _I'm just gonna get this over with._

It was better than hiding up stairs and waiting. The waiting always drove him insane and his father knew that. So bracing himself he made his way to the kitchen and stepped inside and was surprised to see his father sitting at the kitchen table drunk and holding a beer bottle in his hands.

Just by looking around Robert can see how much his father had to drink already. Scattered beer bottles litter the counters and table. He was surprised his father hadn't knocked out yet. Robert quietly sat down at the table next to him and observed his father who was so drunk, he never noticed his son come in.

Father was worse for wear as his mom used to say about someone looking just…

Bad and lost.

There were Dark circles under father's eyes, his clothes always so neat and professional were wrinkled and smelled of alcohol.

_He's had enough drinking._

Robert reached out and pulled the beer bottle out his hands.

"Father you had enough beer."

His father just gripped the beer bottle tight and slapped Roberts hand away.

"What are you doing here boy?! I thought you ran off with that slut!" Father yelled in his drunken voice.

"No I didn't leave father, I really think you've had enough!" he grabbed the bottle out of his father's hand this time.

His father however overpowered him and grabbed the bottle back and shouted "Don't you ever touch my beer you fuckin little shit!" He gulped down the beer as if to make his point.

Robert stood up and began to clear the empty bottles on the table; he then snatched the bottle out of his father's hands and quickly poured it down the drain.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" His father got up and staggered towards Robert and pushed him down on the floor. Robert flinched from the pain but immediately got back on his feet only to be pushed down again.

"Stay down boy!" his father yelled as he kicked his ribs.

Robert bit down on his lip to keep from letting out any sounds of pain. His father then stepped over his body and opened the fridge for another beer.

Robert had only a second to think.

Fight back with his father and not let him drink anymore which ment he had to get rid of those bottles in the fridge or be that cowardly little kid Robert have been trying not to be all day.

Decision made he stood up with renewed straight caused from the adrenalin and knocked the beer bottle right out of his father's hand. They both watched the bottle fall to the floor and crash.

Glass splattered everywhere along with the beer spilling out all over the kitchen floor creating trails.

**"Why you little shit! Your dead boy!"** his father roared. **"You are out of control and I won't take this from you!"** His father pulled back a fist and then swung it towards Roberts face but Robert ducked and ran behind his father who was too drunk to keep up.

Robert swung open the fridge and knocked all the bottles down on to the floor. His father roared in anger at the same time Robert yelled out **"You've had enough!"**

**"Shut up boy!"** his father yelled and socked Robert who didn't duck in time and got the full force of the hit. Before he could fall to the floor however his father grabbed him by the front of his shirt and held Robert up to his face.

His alcoholic breath was warm on Robert's swollen cheek. **"You are gonna pay for this you little shit! Beer is the only thing that makes me happy and now it's all gone! You ruined everything boy! Because of you that slut is gone!"**

"**I know! I know she left because of me so shut up! And you've had enough!" **Robert yelled.

Robert really had enough. He had enough of hearing about his mother! He knew it was his fault he didn't need the reminder during every fucken fight!

**"You're gonna kill yourself if you keep drinking like this!"**

Robert must had drawn the line because his father started yelling at him so loud that he couldn't understand anything and before Robert knew it he was being thrown on the floor and onto the broken glass and spilt beer.

His father continued yelling and knocked some of the empty beer bottles off the counter in his rage. Robert closed his eyes and wished it could all just stop that he could just die from the unbearable pain that was shooting into his back and he wouldn't have to hear the words of hate coming from his father's mouth.

He couldn't keep the pain all bottled up inside either so he let out a scream so full of pain as he tried to move away from the glass.

Moving made the pain worse.

Screaming made the pain worse.

_Try not to move... don't move…._

Tears began to stream down his face and he felt so damn ashamed of himself for crying.

Father stopped shouting at that scream of pain and grabbed Robert by the neck.

"Now what did I tell you about showing your pain your weak boy? Your so fucken weak; you're no son of mine," he said those words so cold, so menacing; Robert found himself shaking.

He never slipped up on showing pain and weakness in front of his father not since he was a little kid. This was bad... Very bad.

He couldn't talk; he couldn't scream or shout he just stared at his father with wide eyes as his father's grip around his neck grew tighter until all he could see was darkness and smell the stench of alcohol and blood.

"Please ..." he gasped. He didn't know if his father could hear him.

_Please daddy stop_...

More tears streamed down his cheeks but he couldn't feel them, he couldn't feel anything. Robert only heard his father's cruel laugh before everything was gone.

Nothing but pain; so much pain and numbness

Robert slowly opened his eyes. Darkness surrounded him. He felt scared why did he feel so scared? As if eyes were watching him. Creepy glowing red eyes in the dark that taunted him awake wanting to feed off his fear and pain.

"Mom" he whispered. "It's gonna get me mom... Mom it's there ..."

Robert gulped in pain "I can feel it watching me mom .. It's there..." he closed his eyes and sank into the darkness once again.

Have you ever had a dream where it wasn't one whole single dream but flashes of many dreams that left your conscious confused? Until you couldn't figure out what was real? What was fake?

That was where Robert was …

Running in the backyard with Taylor; her blue eyes shining inside the snow fort.

Then it changed

He was talking to Chris

Scene changed

Robert was at school sitting next to Carrie

Then he was running; running from the thing with the glowing red eyes; the one that was always watching him.

Robert screamed hoping someone, anyone can hear him. His feet pounding hard against the pavement, sweat streaming down his face and back.

He was scared, so scared and he didn't know what to do.

"Mom!" he yelled and he was awake.

The lamp near his bedside table was on. Father sitting was on a chair next to him with the first aid kit on his lap and rolling up some bandages.

They looked at each other for awhile not saying anything ,keeping eye contact until his father said "you been out for a day get some rest boy I'll be gone for a few hours."

He got up and left the room closing the door quietly behind him.

_A few hours ment a few days!_ Robert scowled and covered his face with his hands and groaned. The pain wasn't as bad anymore; now he just ached.

He closed his eyes and this time fell into a peaceful sleep with no dreams of monsters chasing him.

**Well I hope I didn't send you guys into some spiral depression with this chapter. Pooor Robert =(**

**Please comment =D**

**Chase'sGirl19**


	7. Chapter Seven Dream Catchers

**Chapter Seven Dream Catchers**

**A/N: sorry for the long wait I had really bad writer's block. But I'm making it up with this super long chapter that took me a whole day to write lol. I'm soo tired now and I'm just warning you for all the curse words, violence and mentioning drug abuse and cutting etc. but at this point of the story you should already know about that.**

The morning sun shone brightly on Robert's face, warming up his aching body. Three days had passed by since that fight with his father. Three days of doing nothing but bed rest and sleep. He turned over and felt his conscious sinking back into sleep his last thoughts of his friends being so worried for him.

Dark red eyes in shadows of closets and beds giving off energies of despair. The growls can be heard creeping up in Robert's dreams. It called out his name with a sickly sweet voice

"Robert ..."

Its creeping hands resting on his cheek.

"Mom!" Robert gasped suddenly out of breathe and completely awake.

He quickly scanned the room. Robert didn't know why he felt so scared or why for some reason he wanted to turn on all the lights and lock the closet doors. He closed his eyes and fought down the overwhelming pain.

He wanted to cut.

He wanted to cry and scream and rage.

Robert just felt so lost so helpless. He wanted his mom. He wanted to cut. He wanted his friends. He wanted someone to lean on while they tell him everything will be all right .His whole body was shaking and he realized he was scratching his arms.

Robert quickly let go of his arms and sat up to look out his window. Taylor's window was dark but it wasn't that late and he hoped she was still awake. Being careful not to move so fast he made his way out of bed and out of the house noticing how his father's car was gone but he wasn't surprised. It was Friday night so of course his father was off with Rachel. Robert placed the ladder under Taylor's window and began to climb up.

It was difficult and by the time Robert reached the window he was shaking and gasping for air. He tapped the window gently. He could see Taylor rising slowly out of bed.

"Robert," Taylor said quietly as she lifted up the window.

He didn't say anything as he climbed in. He sat against the wall under the windowsill eyes close and out of breath. The half healed wounds from his father severed with pain from the climb.

"Robert," Taylor whispered again. "Are you okay? I have been so worried about you."

This was a bad idea coming here. It was dumb to think Robert could come here and seek comfort. He would only be bothering Taylor. It was selfish of him to bother her. Now he just wanted to be back in his room with his knife, but then he remembered Evan still had it. Robert cursed himself as he ran his through his hair. He needed to cut he was starting to shake harder.

"Please say something Robert," Taylor said softly.

She gently pulled his hands away from his hair to prevent him from ripping it out. He could feel her kneeling in front of him, her blue eyes searching his face frantically for any sign of her best friend.

_I bet all she sees is a weak pathetic kid beaten down by his father. She pities me._

Robert opened his eyes and looked at her and lied "I'm fine I'm just out of breath from the climb up." "Are you sure? I haven't heard from you in three days. I was worried sick about you. Did your father... You know hit you again?"

"No I just came down with something Tay I promise you I'm fine."

It was silence between them, the air tense.

Robert could tell what Taylor wanted to say to him. She was upset but she kept everything inside. Robert felt guiltier. She was trying to help him but Robert couldn't give her anymore stress about his life. It wasn't fair to her. He leaned against the wall.

"Tay I know you don't believe me but please don't be mad at me. I'm okay I'm still here I promise."

A few moments passed and Taylor just sighed. She moved to sit next to him. The moonlight shone down on them through the window above them. Robert suddenly felt safe here with his friend. Even though it was a bad idea and he was only a burden to Taylor, he was sure this was a place where monsters couldn't reach him. It was his safe place; however it still didn't keep him safe from the memory of his nightmares.

What did they mean? Why was he so helpless in his dreams? Why did they chase him all the time? And who were those monsters? Robert was never able to see the faces or even how they looked. Every time he turned around he could only see shadows and red glinting eyes. Could it be his father? Was it he who always called out to Robert in his nightmares with a sweet sickly voice?

The one that promised pain?

Robert suddenly wished for his mom. She wanted her to hug him and tell him that he was safe. She always kept his nightmares away. When Robert was little she had hung a dream catcher above his window.

"With this hanging above your window no nightmares will ever touch you Robby," she whispered. Robert signed happily and snuggled under his covers falling asleep where he was safe from nightmares of his father.

When his mom left Robert had ended up destroying that dream catcher awhile back when he realized she was never coming back. Now Robert regretted destroying it. He wanted the dream catcher back; he really just wanted his mom back. It made his heart ache.

"Do you believe in dream catchers keeping nightmares away?" Robert whispered to Taylor.

She looked at him "when I was little I did."

"Why don't you believe in them anymore?"

"We will always have nightmares Robert; a dream catcher can't stop them."

"The one my mom gave me worked."

"Do you still have it?"

"No."

"What happened to it?"

"It's gone. It stopped working when she left."

"Do you still think about her?"

"All the time Tay."

"You can't live like this Robert I think it's time we do something about this."

"No Taylor you promised remember?"

Taylor nodded "But what if you end up in the hospital again?"

"Don't think like that Tay. It won't be like this forever. Something good will happen and then I won't be in pain anymore. Once I finish school I plan on leaving that house."

"But that's years away,"

"I know I just have to endure it."

Robert opened his eyes and looked at Taylor. He could barely make her out in the dark, the moonlight gone from the dark clouds covering it. He hoped that what he said was true. Even though this beating was bad Robert still had faith it won't be like this forever, that he will soon leave and never look back.

* * *

A few months later Robert knocked on Taylor's door holding a tiny dark brown tabby kitten in his arms. For days Taylor had been talking nonstop how she finally got her parents' permission to get a cat. Robert had just picked up this little Kitten from Evan's house. His sister's cat had a litter of six week old kittens. Robert knocked on the door again. He covered the mewling kitten in his coat to keep it from getting cold. The door finally opened revealing Mrs. Anderson.

"Hello Mrs. Anderson I got this little guy for Tay."

He held up the little tabby kitty and smiled. Mrs. Anderson beamed at the sight of Robert smiling.

"Aww he is soo little!" she scratched the kittens' ear. "Taylor is going to love him! Come inside out of the cold darling," she led him inside the house.

Robert could feel the warmth suddenly washing over his cheeks and his nose. He didn't even realize he was that cold. The Anderson's were always welcoming to him and Robert always felt part of the family. Glancing around the living room he could see boxes on the coffee table and around the floor. He could see Christmas decorations were poking out of them.

"You're hanging up your Christmas decorations already?"

"Yeah I'm excited for the holidays this year and you are of course welcome to stop by for our Christmas party darling," Mrs. Anderson said.

"Of course I'll be there," Robert smiled. "Do you need any help hanging this stuff up?"

The kitten tired of being held mewed and began to squirm around in his arms. Mrs. Anderson smiled and petted the kitten.

"No I'm okay Robert I have Jesse here to help me but if we do need help I'll call you and Taylor. You should go up and give this little guy to her."

Robert laughed "okay then Mrs. Anderson," before going up the stairs to Taylor's room.

Robert reached Taylor's door and quietly pushed it open. She was sitting on her bed playing her guitar. "Hey Tay."

"Hi Robert I been practicing this song all morning tell me of this is good!" she started strumming her guitar and looked at him. She got sight of the kitten and gasped dropping her guitar.

"Oh my god! Who is that adorable little kitty? Oh my god! Look how little he is with big green eyes!"

Robert busted out laughing Taylor was never one to squeal but when it came to this little kitten it seemed like she just lost all control of her morals about squealing and acting stupid.

Robert dumped the kitten in her lap; it immediately began sniffing Taylor and started climbing all over her guitar, giving experimental taps to the guitar strings with its tiny paws.

"I got him for you; it's an early Christmas present."

"Thank you so much Robert! I swear you're my best friend ever!"

"I thought Chris was your best friend ever when he bought us hot chocolate yesterday," Robert laughed.

"If he tops this Christmas present he will be but I doubt it hahaha," Taylor Hugged the kitten. "He is soo adorable I already love him!"

Robert sat down on the edge of the bed and began strumming the guitar a little.

"You should teach me how to play."

"Okay but you have to be dedicated to it Robert. No getting lazy like the time I tried to teach you to draw."

"But I'm not as bad at drawing anymore! I'm pretty decent at it now."

Taylor snorted as she cuddled the kitten.

"What? I am!"

"Whatever makes you feel better." She laughed.

Robert shrugged "so what are you going to name this little guy?"

"I don't know yet it's probably going to take me while to name him."

"As long as you run it by me first because last time you named your pet hamster Mr. Snugglekins."

Taylor busted out laughing as he continued "honestly Tay that poor Hamster had to live with that name for three years and was probably made fun of by all his hamster friends!"

"What? That's not true Mr. Snugglekins loved his name."

"Just run it by me first haha"

"Fine," Taylor laughed "so what do you want to do?"

They looked at each other and Robert grinned. "Monopoly!" he said and rushed off the bed to pull the box off out of Taylor's bookshelf. "It's time for me to get my revenge on you from last month!"

"I'm just going to beat you again." Taylor said. She moved her guitar off the bed to make room as Robert began to set up the board game between them on the bed.

* * *

Thirty minutes into the game and Robert had already mortgaged half of his properties.

"This can't be right!" he exclaimed in frustration as he counted back his spaces. "How do I keep landing on your yellow monopoly? No one ever lands on yellow!"

"Pay up sucker!" Taylor laughed evilly.

Robert threw all his money at her at the same time the kitten jumped onto the game board scattering the game pieces everywhere.

"Ohh noo! Kitty! I was kicking Robert's butt again!" Taylor said as she picked him up.

"Yes kitty is on my side!" Robert laughed evilly.

He grabbed the kitten from Taylor's arms and stuck his tongue out at her as the kitten began to purr in his arms.

"You're not getting away with this mister!" Taylor laughed. "We are still playing."

"Let's at least take a break" Robert laughed and put the kitten back down on the game board, where it jumped off the bed and began playing with the monopoly money. Smiling at the kittens' antics, Robert laid down on his stomach next to the now messy game board.

"Only because I feel bad for taking your dignity away and you had to be saved by a little kitty." Taylor smirked.

Robert smiled "I'm changing the subject. Are you going to the winter dance?"

Taylor blushed. "I'm not sure yet why?"

"I was thinking of asking Carrie."

"Oh um okay," she began to clear up the board.

"Yeah but how can I ask her when every time I go near her I just lose it and stutter and act all stupid? It's been like what? Three months? And I'm still a bumbling idiot around her. It's a wonder she still talks to me and doesn't think I'm weird or something. Oh crap! She probably already does and hasn't said anything. She probably only talks to me in class just to be nice!" Robert said super-fast. He wasn't even sure Taylor understood what he was talking about.

"Tay you have to help me!"

"Just take a deep breathe Robert because you are talking so fast you aren't making any sense."

Robert nodded and took a deep breath feeling himself calming down.

"Are you okay now?"

Robert nodded "are you going to give me best friend advice?"

Taylor gave him a small smile but he never noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Pretend I'm Carrie," Taylor said. "Pretend that I'm her and you're going to ask her to the dance right now."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"I don't know," Robert said. "Your Taylor not Carrie. Your my best friend and I won't get nervous or anything. I'll just end up laughing in the end."

Taylor rolled her eyes "trust me Robert it will help just really pretend that I am Carrie and tell me what you want to say to her."

"Okay fine" he sat up and crossed his legs. "Carrie, I think you're really awesome and I…." Robert smiled as he tried looking Taylor in the eye. He started laughing "I can't do it Tay!"

"Just try it Robert" she laughed.

"Okay okay I will," he stifled his laughter, took a deep breath and said in a super-fast sentence "Carrie I was wondering if you wanted to go to the dance with me!" he smiled. "How was that?"

"I feel so bad for Carrie. It's no wonder she thinks you're a weirdo."

"She thinks I'm weird? Did you talk to her?!"

Taylor laughed "no I was kidding and I haven't talked to her. This girl is making you crazy," she laughed. "Was my question really that bad?"

"It was just lacking romance and well, it was so fast I couldn't even understand you."

Robert groaned and flopped down on the bed so that he was lying on his back. He covered his face with his arms.

"Why is this so complicated?"

"Speaking of complicated, Robert you have to talk to Chris."

"Why?"

"He can see you becoming distant with us at school. He notices your absences, your mood swings, and your injuries. He is getting worried and a bit suspicious."

Robert groaned. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes especially since you have been hanging out with Evan cooper."

Robert immediately sat up. "How did you find out?"

"It wasn't that difficult to figure out Robert. He hardly picks on you now and I'm always catching you two together in conversation. You are hanging out with him are you?"

There was no point denying it. Robert could never keep anything from Taylor. "Yeah we are. We came to terms a couple of months ago. He's a good guy Tay."

She looked doubtful as she said "well I trust your judgment Robert. Just be careful okay and you still have to talk to Chris. You're losing him."

Robert slowly lay back down. Tay was right he was losing his friend. He could feel it. Staring up at the ceiling he realized the more he hung gout with Evan the less he spent time with Chris. He couldn't even remember the last time he skated with his friend.

"Okay I'll tell him about Evan. I just hope he doesn't get mad."

Taylor nodded "and are you going to tell him about your father and the way he treats you?"

"No, not now Tay." _Chris will never understand, _he thought. He will just think Robert was a freak or something. He still didn't want to lose his friend even if Robert had Evan as a friend now.

"Not now Tay. Let's just take one thing at a time first with Chris."

She sighed "all right then Robert."

* * *

Later that day Robert was at home sitting on the sofa watching TV in the living room. He was flipping channels when Rachel came in and sat next to him. Robert ignored her and settled on some old reruns. Rachel glanced at him and said "Robert I hope you know I'm not trying to replace your mom."

Robert kept his eyes on the TV. He knew whatever came out of her mouth was garbage.

"I just want to let you know that we can be friends. Maybe we can go out somewhere? Just the two of us. How does that sound?"

Robert turned his head and glared at her. His arm was still bruised up from a small beating two nights ago and another bruise on his chin was still fading from a beating two weeks ago. Was she serious? After all the shit she and his father put him through she had the audacity to tell him that? So they should just be friends and ignore the fact that Robert was getting beaten by his father? Wow his father really knew how to choose them!

"How can you say that when you know what my father did to make my mom leave? You were fucking him during that time!" His voice was full of disgust and he was trying so hard to not lose control but it was hard. She just made him so angry!

"You've seen what he does to me and you just watch it happen! Don't you know the kind of man you're going out with? You're an idiot because soon he is going to get bored of you and you'll be the one with the bruises on your fucking evil face of a hag!"

Robert's whole body was shaking and he could feel his skin tingling, longing to feel pain. He had to cut now. It was the only way to feel better to let all the anger and frustration he held in out.

Rachel smacked him across the cheek. Robert gapped at her. It was the first time she ever laid a hand on him.

"How dare you disrespect me you little rat! Your father is a good man and it was right of him to kick your mother out. She was a hoar that didn't know how to take care of her man after he brings home the bacon! And if you ask me, you deserve getting punished like that! You're a delinquent and one day he'll throw you out just like your mother!"

Her smile was evil and her eyes flashed with hatred. Robert knew she had no intention of becoming friends with him. She wanted him out. _What a fucking bitch! _It took all of Robert's self-control to not wipe that stupid smile off her face. He stood up and walked away only to be thrown on the floor. Robert gasped in shock and looked up to see his father towering over him, his face contorting in rage.

"Apologize!" Father ordered.

Robert stood up "no."

Father slapped him hard across the face sending Robert to the floor with stars in his eyes. He hit his thigh on the corner of the coffee table. He didn't even dare shout out in pain. He caught the sight of Rachel still sitting on the sofa with a sick twisted smile. That bitch knew father was around to hear their argument! Did she just bait him into a beating?!

_No fucken way was she that evil!_

"Apologize Robert Chase!" he yelled before socking him hard in the stomach.

Robert this time yelled in pain and gagged so hard he was sure he was going to puke. He couldn't even breathe and was withering in pain, gasping for air. Tears were already threatening to come down from the corner of his eyes. He closed them and willed himself not to cry. It would only make things worse.

Once Robert was able to breathe again as he lay gasping and broken on the floor, Father knelt down and lifted him a few inches off the floor by his shirt. His face was so close to him he can smell his breath and see the sweat on his forehead.

"Apologize now you little shit and ill ignored the fact that you broke the rule and showed your weakness like a sniveling little girl! I thought I taught you better than that son!

_I'm not your son. You don't deserve to have me as a son…_

Robert held in his tears as the last of his dignity went away as he muttered "I'm sorry Rachel…"

"For?" His father growled as he tightened his grip on Robert's shirt.

_For you being an evil sadistic bitch and every fucking bad name in the dictionary of curse words!_

"I'm sorry for disrespecting you."

"I forgive you. Just watch that dirty mouth of yours or I'll be washing it out with soap," she smiled sweetly and leaned over to ruffle his hair.

His father pulled him up to his feet "Go to your room! I'll be up there to talk to you."

"Yes sir," Robert said and limped slowly up to his room.

* * *

Once Robert was there he slammed the door hard not even carrying if it made his father mad! Because everything made him angry! Everything Robert does sets him off! Robert was tired of stepping on eggshells around him. He was tired of it and he didn't care anymore. He honestly didn't give a fuck for his father's stupid rules and consequences and beatings and all that shit anymore! He yelled out in frustration as he banged the closet doors with both of his fist. He had enough with trying to be a good son because he wasn't, he was bad. Father was always telling him he was a rotten stupid kid and so he was going to be the worst son ever. The son his father did deserve.

Robert sat on his bed trying to calm down as he rubbed his swollen fists. He could feel himself having some sort of panic attack. It was difficult to breathe and he could hardly see what was in front of him. His whole body shook and he really needed to cut.

_I have to cut! So much pain it hurts! I have to cut! I have to cut!_

Dammit Evan has his knife still! For the past few months everytime Robert needed to cut he would bug Evan for the knife back but no; Evan was good on his word and tried to be there everytime Robert needed him. Like now… he needed to cut... no he needed Evan to help him distract him.

_I have to go to Evan, he can help me… _

Robert soon got his breath under control and the darkness in his vision slowly faded away. He stood up and stormed out of his room. Ignoring his stomach pain and the pain on his bruised thigh he ran down the stairs past his father. Robert ignored the shouts of him being a bad son because it didn't matter. If father was convinced Robert was a bad kid then he was one and now he wasn't obeying his father anymore. Without a jacket to protect him from the cold only dressed in a long sleeve shirt and jeans, Robert walked the five blocks down to Evan's house.

* * *

"Robert! What are you doing here? What's wrong?" Evan said as he took in Robert's appearance on his doorstep. He was shivering from the cold or was his body shaking from the need to cut?

"Can I spend the night" Robert asked. "I don't trust myself Evan."

"You want to..?"

Robert nodded and looked away. The words that Evan was going to say left unspoken by the shared knowledge to what Robert was doing there so late in the night.

"Come inside," Evan whispered. "My parents are already in bed."

Robert quietly stepped inside and climbed up the stairs to Evan's room. He sat near the windowsill his body still shaking. Robert stared at the floor. His body was shutting down from the night's events. His stomach was hurting and his bruised thigh throbbed. Robert was just so tired. All the anger he felt earlier had somehow all seeped away. He wanted nothing more than to just cut. Cut away all the pain, the despair and loneliness he was now feeling. Tears were now running down his face and Robert couldn't even stop them. Everything just hurt so much. Why did he have to have such a screwed up life? Why couldn't he just be normal? A normal life with a normal set of parents. Robert was living in a nightmare, one he couldn't wake up from. He looked up and noticed a small dream catcher hanging from the window.

"My little sister gave that to me the other day. She said it's supposed to keep away bad dreams," Evan said as he closed the door and sat down on his bed.

Robert pushed away the memories of his mother and the dream catcher she once gave him.

"Taylor doesn't believe they work," he said. Thinking of the time when he snuck into her room after a bad beating. The conversation was light and Robert felt safe there. He believed that good things will happen if he just held on a little longer but that was months ago and he was still here.

Still beaten.

Still broken.

"Are you sure? Because I've been having pretty good dreams lately," Evan said.

"About what?"

"None of your business Chase because if I tell you then they won't come true... Well one dream did come true already."

"And what was that?"

Evan smirked "I'm not telling you,"

"Fine," Robert muttered.

"Hey I have some pot do you want to try some? It will distract you."

Robert did not even think about getting in trouble because he didn't care what his father thought or would do to him if he found out.

"Yeah sure whatever," he muttered.

Robert took the blunt Evan offered him and inhaled.

Awhile later he and Evan were both high. Robert was laying under the covers on Evan's bed and Evan on the futon in the other side of the room.

"Do you still feel like you have to cut?" Evan asked in the darkness of the room.

Robert stared at the small dream catcher hanging above the window "no."

"The dream I had that came true was becoming friends with you," Evan said his voice getting heavy with sleep.

"We are best friends now Cooper. You irritate me to death but you always know how to calm me down. You don't even ask what happen and I like that. "

"Well I had to make up for all those years of tormenting you," Evan said.

"Yeah thanks Evan," Robert said softly. His worries right now were gone due to the drug in his system. Robert just felt calm. Everything he felt, all the agony was numb. Evan's snores were now filling up the bedroom and Robert couldn't take his eyes off the dream catcher. He hoped this one worked. He hoped his dreams weren't full of nightmares.

**So thank you to everyone who has reviewed! It made me soo happy and plus it encouraged me to keep going with this story. Tell me what you guys think of this chapter =) remember it took me a whole day to write this I'm soooooooooooooooo sore and tired and expecting a lot of reviews =D**

**Chase's Girl19**


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